Your Son's Name is Moron?

Israelis, however magnificent as they may be with English, have unfortunate luck with how some of their names sound in English. Not only do they sound goofy due to their pronunciation with an Israeli accent, but some of them are hilarious because of what they mean in English.

Sometimes I imagine an American businessman who is salivating over some new contract with an Israeli company, who wants to call the contact guy on the other side to see if both of them can ink the deal, only to realize that he's about to call a guy name Nimrod. Or Moran. It's a wonder that names like "Idiot" or "Shithead" do not exist out here. Aside from the names synonymous with imbecile, there are the names that are, perhaps even more unfortunately, synonymous with excrement. "Doodoo" is a fairly popular name, and is the first name of a very famous singer here, Dudu Aharon. There is also the common variation of "Doodee". If I have a son, I'll seriously consider naming him "Jackass" or "Poop" as my way of adding to the diversity of great Israeli names.

Then of course, there's the accent. With the eastern european style "r" sound embedded in the Israeli accent, and names being short and filled with these "r"s, it makes for funny sounding names. I've always known that "Or" is a very common Israeli name. But I sometimes wonder what it's like to the foreigners that Israelis meet when they're travelling the world after the army, when they first hear the name "Or" - meaning "light" in Hebrew. In English it sounds like "ohhh" - a sort of sound that you can imagine someone makes who has a stomach cramp and realizes he has to go unload in the bathroom. But what if you put all of these silly names that are centered around this awkward "r" sound together. I always make fun of this by pretending I'm a proud Israeli mother:

"Yes, these are my Sons Ahhree, Ooohree, Oooori, and Ohhhhhhhh." - (complete with a look of abdominal pain on the last one).

Maybe I'll just have a daughter. That way I won't have to worry about a life of torment in the English speaking world...